Modern Vampires

The night is about to end
The Sun is about to shine
Above the castle on the hill
After a long night
Of scaring people and biting necks
Count Dracula relaxes
Watching TV
Before going to sleep
In his beloved coffin
Suddenly
The trailer for the next vampire movie comes on
After watching it
The count facepalms
"What happened?", he wonders
"Vampire stories used to be about imortal monsters
Who are hunted and feared
Who spread terror
And feed on blood
While dealing with the curse
Of eternal life
And what do we have now?
Sparkling gay teenagers
Silly girls' fantasies
Pure garbage!
How does that junk make money?"
He turns off the TV
And lets out a sigh
"Igor!", he called
"Yes, sir?"
Answers his zombie servant
Emerging from the shadows
"Bring me a glass
Of the finest low cholesterol blood we've got
As my doctor requires"
Igor hesitates
"Any problem, Igor?"
"Well sir, we're out of low cholesterol blood
"What? How can that be?"
"Huh, you see...
People today only eat junk
So good blood is hard to find..."
A muscle twitches
On the count's cheek
Before he fell down to his knees
And yelled
"I don't want to live on this planet anymooooooore!..."